


A Work In Progress

by raindropsonroses16



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is...
Genre: AU, M/M, circa 2007-2008, met in college, no brent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2018-11-06 05:32:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11029674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raindropsonroses16/pseuds/raindropsonroses16
Summary: Ryan, Brendon, Spencer, and Jon thought they had it made. They had just been signed to Decaydance and were in the middle of recording their first album (AFYCSO) with the help of Pete Wentz. The plans get changed when one day a baby is left on their doorstep with a note claiming that Ryan has a daughter. Through trials, tribulations, and falling in love, Ryan really is a work in progress with being a father.





	1. New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> So this is very AU. There is no Brent (nobody really cares about him anyway, right?). The guys met in college and started the band from there. Pretty much everything else happened: Ryan saying Pete's band sucks, Pete signing Panic, etc. Just a different time period. The next chapter should be up within the week. I hope you all like it!

I stared across the room at my friends, Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith and Jon Walker. We met Brendon and Jon a few years ago when Brendon started college, but I have known Spencer pretty much all my life. Now, we lived in a four-bedroom apartment while Brendon and Spencer finished up their last year of college. Currently, we were arguing over how a song, which they had entitled “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” should be sung.

“I’m going to order pizza,” I called before getting up to call the nearest Pizza Palace. The other three men continued to argue while I placed our order. Nearly ten minutes later, the doorbell rang.

Brendon screamed out, “I’ve got it!” He answered the door, holding the money for the pizza. His eyes widened as he looked down. “Did someone order a baby?”

Spencer, Jon and I looked over at him with surprised looks on our faces. Brendon picked up the car seat with a sleeping child around the age of two or three months inside and brought the car seat to the couch along with a bag. “There’s a note,” Brendon said. He started to read it out loud. “Ryan, I’m sorry to drop her on you. I’m sure you’ll be a better father than I would be a mother. Her name is Sadie. Charlotte.”

“Do you know a Charlotte?” Jon asked me after Brendon finished.

I racked my brain for someone resembling the name of Charlotte. “I don’t know. When I started college, I kind of had sex with anything that moved. I was also drunk a lot. It’s possible I forgot.” I looked at the baby. She had my dark hair and I assumed she’d have my dark eyes if they were open. “We just got signed to Decaydance. What are we going to do?”

“Call Pete. He’ll know what to do.” Spencer called from the kitchen, where he was grabbing a drink. “For some reason, he always knows what to do.”

Suddenly, the sound of cries pierced the silence after Spencer’s comments. I looked at the baby nervously. There was no way I could be a father.. Brendon stepped forward at the sound of the cries and picked her up, holding her carefully as he had done with his nephew a couple years back. “She’s probably hungry. There must be something in the bag for her.” Shifting the baby to one arm, Brendon sifted through the bag. “Aha!” He pulled out a bottle and a container of formula. “Ryan, you are going to have to hold her while I get her bottle ready and you’ll have to feed her. She is your kid after all.”

“Wait…” I trailed off as Brendon placed the screaming baby in my arms. I looked down at her and noticed she did, after all, have my dark eyes. She flailed in my arms and continued to scream. “Brendon, I don’t know what to do!”

Brendon hurried with the bottle before rushing back over to me. “Hold it like this. When it looks to be half way gone, burp her.” He showed me what to do while I gave him a worried look. Sadie eagerly drank the bottle once I offered it to her. I looked down at her with wide eyes. Her eyes looked unfocused as she looked up at me.

“I’ll go find something for her to sleep in,” Jon said, motioning for Spencer to follow him.

I kept his eyes on the baby as she looked up at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry your momma left you with me,” I whispered. “I don’t know how to be a dad. I guess we’ll figure this out together.”

The pizza was long forgotten when the doorbell rang. Brendon took care of the pizza while Ryan took care of Sadie. Jon and Spencer came up empty when trying to find something for Sadie to sleep in. The guys promised to figure out what to do tomorrow.

Sadie, soon, began to scream again. I looked at Brendon with wide eyes. “Diaper most likely,” Brendon said, rifling through the bag again. “I’ll show you how to change her for now. But you’ll have to do it.” Brendon walked through the motions with me until he how held a clean Sadie in his arms.

“She’ll have to come with us to the studio tomorrow. Pete can hopefully help out figuring something out,” Spencer offered.

We ate the pizza in silence as Sadie cooed in my arms. I was getting used to her weight in my arms and kept glancing down at her. Maybe I could do this father thing after all. Brendon showed me how to gently rock Sadie to sleep. Whenever I tried to place her down on my bed, she’d start crying. I ended up sleeping on the couch with Sadie laying on his chest. She had awoken me several times during the night to be fed and changed. After only having several hours of broken sleep, I moved to make coffee, Sadie still in my arms.

Spencer, Jon, and Brendon started waking up after I started cooking breakfast. We needed to be at the studio in two hours, so after eating, the guys and I all took turns showering and getting ready for the day. When it was my turn to show, I passed a sleeping Sadie off to Brendon with the assurance that nothing would happen to her.

Once ready, the guys plus Sadie piled into my beat-up Subaru and headed to the studio.

“What the hell is that?” Pete asked upon our arrival.

I started to panic as Spencer answered, “Ryan has a daughter. She was left at our doorstep last night.”

Pete’s eyes widened. “Are you sure she’s yours? Anyone could leave a baby for you.”

I nodded. That was the first thing I had noticed. Sadie looked exactly like I did from pictures when I was younger. My fingers started to feel numb so I changed his grip and then headed over to put Sadie’s car seat on the table as I sat down in front of her. “We’re going to have to end recording early today. I need to pick some things up for her if I plan to raise her.”

“If?” Pete rolled his eyes. “You guys just got signed. Do you really think you can raise her on your own?”

Brendon chose that moment to pipe up, “I can help him. I helped with my nephew a lot when he was younger. I know the basics.”

Pete groaned. He wasn’t going to change my mind and he knew that. “Fine, can we just get today’s recording done?”

The guys rushed through the recording with a few interruptions to feed and change Sadie. I tried my best to stay awake but failed to after I had finished recording my guitar parts and curled up on the couch with Sadie on my chest while the guys finished recording their parts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited the chapter to have first person. Sorry to those who have already read it. It didn't change much. I was having some trouble with writing the second chapter in third person (I wasn't liking anything I was writing).


	2. Tour of Dreams

The next three months passed in a blur for us. I was constantly taking care of Sadie and when I wasn’t, I was recording or sleeping. She finally smiled at me for the first time when I was singing a Beatles song to her to help her fall asleep. At nearly six months old, as the doctor told me when we went for a checkup, she is way ahead of the curve and is already sitting up straight. She’s a curious little girl and I can’t imagine life without her anymore. In those three months, we also finished recording the album and were set to start a tour soon with The Academy Is… and Fall Out Boy.

“Ry, are you packed?” Brendon called from his room. My head snapped around looking at the mess surrounding Sadie and me. “I bet you aren’t. Do you need some help?”

His voice sounded closer the second time so I looked up to see him standing in my doorway. “I’m trying to get Sadie’s things together first. We can’t very well leave her with anyone.”

“I never suggested that. I asked if you needed help.”

I sighed then nodded. “You know what I wear. Pack whatever.” I went back to packing Sadie’s clothes. “Actually, wait, no. Don’t pack whatever you want. Pack stage clothes but also pack some sweats and things.”

Brendon giggled. “You’re such a girl. I’ve got this. How long have we known each other now?” He got to packing my clothes and even packed them better than I would have. “We can always buy things for Sadie. We’re going to be flying a lot.”

“I know. Pack some scarves while you’re at it. We never know when I’ll need a scarf.” My eyes kept looking over everything I packed. I had diapers, wipes, clothes for literally a year, bottles, a ton of formula, and toys. Sadie had recently been enjoying toys that she can grasp, so we went out and bought her some. “Do you think I packed everything for Sadie?”

Brendon’s eyes swept over the things I had packed. “I think so. If anything, we stop somewhere and get something.” He abandoned my suitcase that was half packed to walk over to Sadie’s crib. She was taking her nap while we packed.

I nodded and moved on to finishing my packing. Brendon had already picked out a few shirts and my rose vest which had easily become a staple of my wardrobe. I picked out more clothes and even stuffed a few random t-shirts and sweatpants in my bag for the days we were in hotels. Having finished packing, I ushered Brendon out of the room to let Sadie finish her nap.

“She’s so cute, you know,” Brendon said. “She even looks so much like you.”

I smiled and laughed quietly. “We’ve been over this. We all know she’s adorable. Come on, let’s watch a movie. And it better not be Aladdin.”

In the end, we ended up watching Aladdin. Brendon belted out all the songs in the movie.

***

“Hurry up guys!” Brendon shouted as he sprinted toward the plane. “We can’t miss the flight!”

I rolled my eyes as I held my carry-on bag on one shoulder and pushed Sadie’s car seat/stroller combination across the tarmac. “We’re on time. Chill, you’ve flown before.” Spencer and Jon grudgingly followed behind me, dragging their feet. Sadie was alert in her car seat and gurgled as we put her car seat in between Brendon and me.

Brendon was happily looking outside as I waited for the plane to take off. “Is Sadie going to be okay you think?”

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, Bren. Let’s just get this ride over with.” After taking off, I mostly slept through the plane ride unless Sadie was screaming her head off, but she preferred sitting in Brendon’s seat with him. We landed in New York with hours to spare for our first concert of the tour so we went to the hotel and tried to sleep.

I felt a light shaking on my shoulder and looked bleary eyed at Zack, our manager. “It’s time for sound check. I’ll keep Sadie with me,” he said as I nodded at him and moved to pull on a t-shirt.

Sound check passed by quickly. I took Sadie from Zack on the way off the stage and held her on my hip as I walked to the dressing room. Upon walking in, I saw several people more than just the band in the room. “William, what are you guys doing here?” I asked as I looked at him with wide eyes.

“We wanted to congratulate you on your first concert,” he said as he turned to me. “Oh my, I didn’t think Brendon was telling the truth when he mentioned your daughter. She looks exactly like you.” William came over and gave me a hug as I shifted Sadie around. “She’s a mini you, Ross.”

I smiled. “We know.” I turned to our manager and asked him, “Are you okay with keeping Sadie during the show? She seemed to be fine with you.”

Zack nodded. “You go on in like twenty minutes so you might want to get dressed. I can take her now. Where are her toys?”

“Over there,” I said as I pointed to where our things were. I grabbed my stage clothes and disappeared into the bathroom to change. Brendon barged in with his clothes as soon as I had pulled off my pants. “Um privacy?”

Brendon waved his hand. “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” He started to strip and pull on his clothes. I sighed and continued changing. Soon after, we were ushered toward the stage to begin our set.

“Good evening, New York!” Brendon shouted into the microphone. “We’re Panic! At The Disco and we have a few songs to sing for you.”

I launched into the first song on our set list, The Only Difference Between Suicide and Martyrdom Is Press Coverage. Brendon sang out the lyrics perfectly. I couldn’t help but look over at him and smile throughout the whole song. It felt weird to have someone sing my lyrics, but I wouldn’t trust anyone else to sing them. Before I knew it, the song was over.

“Have you ever had a dream,” Brendon started, “where you were running in a field of wildflowers and daisies toward your true love?” He sidled up to me as he spoke this. My eyes started to go wide as he was improving this part. “You finally reach each other and your hand reaches out to touch your true love’s face, pushing a piece of hair as you touch their cheek. You meet in that perfect passionate kiss.” As Brendon spoke the words, he repeated the actions on me. When he spoke about the kiss, he leaned close to me, our lips almost touching as he blew an air kiss onto my lips. The crowd was practically screaming now, in hopes of seeing the two of us kiss. Suddenly, he pushed me away.

“But this is not that dream. This is lying, cheating, and good old fashioned fucking.” The crowd went wild as we launched into Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes off.

_“Is it still me that makes you sweat. Am I who you think about in bed?”_ Brendon sang, looking at the audience. They were really eating up every word he said. He really knew how to work the crowd which is why I’m glad I picked Brendon to be the front man. I couldn’t do this. Our set ended without another incident and I handed my guitar to one of the techs from Fall Out Boy so I could grab Sadie, who was shockingly still wide awake.

“I need to get her to bed. I’ll see you guys in the morning.” I organized to get a ride back to the hotel. Brendon came with me, claiming he was exhausted after the long show. We both settled into my hotel room to hopefully put Sadie to bed. Brendon and I took turns singing lyrics from Disney (of course) songs until she fell asleep with a full tummy in the crib provided by the hotel.

Brendon sighed as he fell on my bed. “Can I just stay here tonight? I’m sure Spence won’t miss me.”

“Sure, whatever,” I said through a yawn. “I’m going to sleep.”

He curled up against me and we shifted around until Brendon’s back was pressed up against my front. Many times, we’ve fallen asleep like this and many times, we’ve woken up like this but today felt different to me. I fell asleep with my arm thrown across his stomach and my face pressed into his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little longer! I'm hoping to make the chapters considerably longer as the fic goes on. Hope you enjoyed it!


	3. You're The Only One Who Can Help

Something woke me up in the middle of the night. I rubbed my eyes as my stomach lurched. “Oh god,” I whispered as I jumped from the bed and rushed to the bathroom. I crouched over the toilet as my dinner and the beer offered at the concert made a reappearance. I felt cool hands touch my face and pull my sweaty hair out of my face.

“You’re okay, Ry,” Brendon whispered. “I’ll get someone to get some Gatorade.” He helped me out of the bathroom after helping me clean up the mess. Once I was back in bed, Brendon checked on Sadie and started making calls as I shivered on the bed. “Can you get Ginger to take her? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. Ryan is pretty warm, guys,” I heard him saying. “Okay, I’ll call Zack and make sure he can take her for the night. I don’t want her catching what Ry has. He didn’t drink much last night.”

I wrapped the blanket around me and snuggled further into the bed. My stomach was still flipping. I thought back to everything I had eaten and drank in the last day, which wasn’t much. I had two cups of beer during the set and I had grabbed some dinner beforehand. Nothing should have made me feel this terrible. I felt like crying, but two cool hands wrapped around my hips.

“Zack is taking Sadie for the night, so she doesn’t get sick. Ginger is going to come when we hit Chicago tomorrow to take Sadie back to Las Vegas. We’ll see her when you get better.” Brendon’s hands rubbed circles on my hips, trying to calm me. “We’re going to get on a plane about midday to be in Chicago by the time we need to have sound check. Why don’t you get some sleep?”

“I’ll try,” I said. My eyes closed on their own and I slept fitfully, having to rush to the bathroom a couple of times to vomit. Having a fever didn’t help either. Brendon wasn’t sure how high the fever was because we didn’t have a thermometer. He woke me up around noon to force me in the shower and laid out clothes so I could dress while he went back to his room and showered. By the time I was dressed, Brendon was back and hurried to pack my bags. “You don’t have to do this you know,” I said, my voice rough from all the vomiting.

Brendon shrugged. “Someone has to make sure your ass gets on that plane.”

I chuckled as we rushed from the room. My stomach lurched as we hurried and I took a detour to a bathroom once we were downstairs. I came out to see Spencer, Jon, Sadie and Zack waiting with Brendon. They took in my pale appearance and briefly considered taking our name off the first show we have in Chicago. I waved it off and stated that I’d be fine after a ton of Gatorade and some more rest.

Once on the plane, I slept against Brendon’s shoulder for most of the ride. I got up several times to dry heave, considering there was nothing left in my body. I vaguely was aware that Zack had Sadie with him when we landed and saw Ginger waiting for us at luggage claim.

“I’ll take Sadie,” she said. “Ryan, I have a plane out tonight after your show. Don’t worry about Sadie. I’ll take good care of her.”

“Thank you, Ginger,” I said before rushing off to a bathroom. Brendon followed, carrying my things along with his. He even had a bottle of Gatorade in his hands. I felt tears fall out of my eyes as I heaved. What little Gatorade was in my stomach wasn’t there anymore.

Brendon helped me up when he realized I was too weak to even move. “Come on, we’ll get a few hours of sleep, maybe find a doctor. Can you try to drink some more Gatorade? I’m worried all this vomiting is causing you to become dehydrated.” I nodded at him as we walked to find a cab. “Once we get to the venue, Ryan is going to take a nap and all of you are going somewhere else. We’ll do sound check without him.”

Zack gave me a pointed look that said if I didn’t sleep, I’d be toast. I gave him a half-hearted salute and dozed against Brendon’s shoulder. Once we got to the venue, I was pointed in the direction of the dressing room and immediately crashed on the couch upon walking in. It felt like minutes later that I was being shaken awake.

“Hey, Ry, we have to go on in about fifteen minutes. Do you think you can make it?” My eyes opened to see Brendon leaning over me.

I got up to get dressed, muttering a “I’ll try,” as I went. I still felt weak, but I’ve got this. The next few minutes flew by. I walked out on stage and breathed as I was handed my guitar.

Brendon beamed at the audience. “Good evening Chicago! We’re Panic! At The Disco and the show tonight is dedicated to Ginger and Sadie who are in audience with us tonight. Without you guys, we wouldn’t be here!”

Spencer launched into the first song on our set list. My stiff fingers tried to play along, but I messed up a few chords. Brendon looked at me each time that happened. When we took a break for Brendon to do his ‘This isn’t that dream speech,’ I leaned against the microphone trying to catch my breath. Zack rushed over to me with Gatorade, which I accepted greatly.

“Zack, I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” I said and drank more Gatorade. “I thought I was going to be fine.”

He nodded and looked me over. “Make it through the next song and I’ll get Brendon to play guitar.” Zack rushed off to get things set for that. I turned back to the stage as Brendon was finishing the speech, this time with Jon.

We were halfway through _Lying_ when I felt my vision go fuzzy. My hands slipped on the guitar and I faintly heard Brendon stop singing. The last thing I remembered before my knees hit the ground and my vision went black was pain spreading across my abdomen and Brendon’s hands making sure my head didn’t hit the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one was short. I had this idea around in my head and wanted to make sure it was written. Sadie will be back. It will be Brendon's point of view for the next chapter as Ryan gets checked out. I may have that written before the day is over but I need to work on homework so there are no promises. Hope you liked this chapter!


	4. A Therapeutic Chain of Events

**Brendon’s POV**

 

My eyes went wide as I saw Ryan’s hands fall away from the guitar. The mic dropped from my hands as I rushed over to him and tried to cushion his fall. I heard someone yell for a person to call 911 while I cradled Ryan in my lap.

“I’m sorry, Chicago, but we’re going to have to end this show early. We need to have our guitarist checked out,” Jon said into his microphone. “We wish you all a good night and a safe trip home.”

The time between Ryan falling and the ambulance coming seemed to blur together to me. I faintly heard someone tell me to go with Ryan to the hospital. He was still unconscious when the ambulance took off. There was a lot of bustling around to get IVs into Ryan’s arm and for the EMTs to ask me what I knew about his condition. My hands trembled as I looked at his pale face. I shouldn’t have pushed him to perform, but he would have done it anyway. Ryan is dedicated to this band. Once at the hospital, I was ushered to the waiting room while Ryan was taken into a room.

My face was in my hands when I felt someone touch my shoulder. I looked up to see Ginger with Sadie and I gingerly took the sleeping baby from her, laying her on my chest. Instantly, I started to feel calmer, knowing there was still some connection to Ryan sitting with me.

“How is he?” she asked.

I shrugged. “The only thing I know is his sugar was extremely low and he was dehydrated. The doctors said they would know more once he woke up.” I looked down at Sadie, taking in her features like we did the first day we found her on our doorstep. She certainly looks more and more like Ryan every single day.

More of the guys piled into the room until every member of our band, Fall Out Boy, The Academy Is…, and their roadies were crowded into the waiting room.

“Brendon Urie?” someone called.

I looked around to see a nurse standing near the entrance. “That’s me.”

“Good. The doctor wants to see you to explain what is going on. Ryan woke up a little while ago. You can come with me,” she said as I got out of my chair and pulled Spencer and Jon along with me. “Who’s the cute little baby?”

“Ryan’s daughter. Her name is Sadie.”

We followed her back to a room with several chairs. She told us the doctor would be in soon before leaving. I paced the room, curling Sadie more into my arms. There was a knock on the door before a tall man walked in.

“Brendon?” I nodded. “Nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Ward, Ryan’s doctor. As the nurse should have told you, he woke up a little while ago and was complaining of pain in his stomach. He has a diseased appendix which we sent him to emergency surgery not too long ago. I’m sure you were told his sugar was extremely low when he came in. We are going to continue to monitor it, but I’m sure that it was connected to the fact that he was vomiting since last night, or that is what Ryan told me when he woke up. That’s all I know for now, but I will let you know when he is out of surgery so you can go see him.” Doctor Ward led us out of the room and back to the waiting room.

I started pacing the waiting room. Sadie woke up a couple of times, demanding to be fed and changed. At some point, the nurses came and told us visiting hours were over and that Ginger, Spencer, Jon, Sadie, and I could wait. About ten minutes after everyone left, a total of two hours since the doctor had met with us, a surgeon came out to greet us.

“Ryan’s surgery went well. His appendix was nearing rupturing, but luckily it was caught in time. I know he’s in recovery right now and will be kept overnight, but I can let the nurses know to tell you when he has a room?”

We all nodded and waited some more. I was nearly asleep when a nurse came over to tell us that Ryan was put into a room for the night. He mentioned that Ryan was currently sleeping, but we could go up to wait for him to wake up. The five of us made our way to Ryan’s room. Once inside, we saw Ryan asleep on the bed. His hair curly and messy, but he looked a lot less pale than he did earlier.

“B, do you want to keep Sadie for the night? I’m going to have mom cancel her flight since we know what is wrong with Ryan now,” Spencer asked him quietly as he yawned.

“I can keep her.” I honestly forgot she was in my arms for a while. I guess I became used to her curling into me. “You guys can go to the hotel if you want. I’m going to stay here so there’s someone familiar when Ry wakes up.”

The three of them nodded at me and headed out. I sat down in a chair near Ryan’s bed, happy to find out it was a rocking chair. I rocked Sadie as I quietly sang to her. For some reason, Miley Cyrus’s _Butterfly Fly Away_ was stuck in my head from the time we binged watched Hannah Montana in the apartment.

 

_“Caterpillar in the tree,_

_How you wonder who you'll be._

_Can't go far but you can always dream._

_Wish you may and wish you might;_

_Don't you worry, hold on tight._

_I promise you that there will come a day;_

_Butterfly fly away.”_

“She’s lucky to have you singing to her.” I jumped when I heard the rough voice.

“Jesus!” I screeched.

Ryan laughed. “Nope, just me. But thanks for the compliment. I hurt like hell by the way.”

“You kind of did have your appendix removed.”

Ryan sighed and looked at Sadie to see her sound asleep on my chest. She had been like that for the last hour or so since I last fed her. “What time is it?”

I shrugged, just now looking at the clock. “After four am. Jeez, I’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours now.”

“You should get some sleep. The hospital bed is big enough for all three of us. Sadie doesn’t take up much room,” Ryan said, scooting over as painlessly as he could. “Get some sleep please?”

I smiled at him as I shifted onto the bed without waking Sadie. Ryan rested his head on my shoulder and his breathing evened out long before mine did. I finally fell asleep when I realized Ryan wasn’t waking up again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel for Ryan here, honestly. I had my gallbladder taken out over a year ago and it was painful. Anyway, the title is from a Panic! song and I'll make a general disclaimer for this whole story: it's obviously fake as there is no Sadie Ross, just saying. And we'll be back to Ryan's POV next chapter.


	5. Off to St. Louis

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed, but I could faintly hear giggling coming from somewhere. “Brendon?”

“Here!” he said, popping up. “I’m trying to teach Sadie how to crawl. It’s been a lost cause so far. Are you hungry? I just gave Sadie a bottle and some applesauce not too long ago.”

I smiled at him and nodded. “Applesauce sounds good right now. Can you see what the nurses can get me? I’ll take Sadie for a little while.”

“Sure thing,” Brendon said before placing Sadie on the bed with me and walking out of my room.

“Hi cutie. I heard Brendon was trying to teach you to crawl.” She giggled at me and smiled widely. “Not working, is it?”

Sadie moved to crawl across my bed and fell face first into the bed. Her eyes moved up to mine as she started to pout. Determined, she tried again and succeeded in crawling a few feet from my hip to my knee.

“Aw come on,” Brendon whined, having come back in while she was crawling on the bed. “Why must you do things for your daddy and not me? Don’t you love me, cutie pie?”

Sadie giggled while I laughed quietly at him. My face contorted in pain and Brendon rushed to my side, asking if I was okay. “I’m fine. You know, I did have surgery.”

Brendon smiled sheepishly. “I know. The nurses said they would bring you food soon. I called the guys and let them know they can come back. We’re being cut from the show tonight, but when we get to St. Louis, Joe said he’d stand in for you. The doctors said after a week, you’d be fine to play as long as you’re sitting down. It might be like that for a while, but we’ll manage. Oh, and they said because your sugar is back up and has been normal since your IV has been in, you can go home today.”

“You really have this all figured out, don’t you? And thank god, I was starting to hate this place.”

"Well, Ginger is here, so she’ll help with Sadie for a little while and obviously, I will help too. The little munchkin is growing on me.” As soon as Brendon stopped talking, a nurse knocked on the door.

He came in and introduced himself as Nurse Jerry. “I brought some more pain meds, as the ones we gave you earlier this morning should be wearing off. And I have some food. If all goes well, and you keep the food down, you should be out of here by around six. Just in time for the show, right?”

“I was planning on letting Ryan sleep through it. We’re not on the list tonight,” Brendon said, picking up Sadie and sitting on my bed with her. “Watch out, Ry. Sadie might steal your applesauce.”

The nurse and I laughed. “You really have an adorable daughter. Brendon has been letting everyone gush over her.”

“Thank you,” I said. The nurse left after that, leaving me to eat and take the meds. I started with the applesauce but Sadie must have sensed it was on my tray and reached her hands out, demanding some. I smiled as I fed my daughter. She gobbled down my applesauce quickly and looked very upset when it was all gone. “No more baby girl. You need to take your nap soon anyway. Maybe Uncle Brendon can rock you while I eat.”

Brendon smiled and moved to her diaper bag to change her before he began his usual routine of singing Sadie to sleep. Once Sadie was asleep on Brendon, I glanced over to see Brendon half asleep himself. Seeing Brendon like that makes it so I can’t help falling in love with him, but I won’t tell him ever. I finished my food and settled on the bed to watch some TV until the guys came over. I was half-way through an episode of NCIS when I heard a quiet knock on my door. “Come in,” I called out quietly. “Sadie and B are asleep.”

The opened door revealed Spencer, Jon, and Ginger. I smiled at them. “You look no worse for wear,” Ginger commented.

“Good pain meds. But sh. Brendon just got her to sleep about thirty minutes ago and fell asleep himself. He needs the sleep.”

“We’ll be quiet. The nurses told us you’re going home in a couple of hours. Do you want to go to the hotel or start the drive to St. Louis?” Spencer whispered. “Either way, we don’t play for another two days.”

I shrugged and thought about it. “If we drive when I get out, we’ll be able to explore a little bit and I can rest. I’m hoping to be well enough to be at the show.”

“I can also help out with Sadie,” Ginger said, looking over at the pair in the rocking chair. I shook my head as Brendon’s eyes opened.

“Hey, why’d you let me fall asleep?” he asked groggily. “Oh, hey guys.”

Spencer and Jon laughed. “You probably needed the sleep,” Jon said. “You’ve been dealing with Ry’s mess of a self.”

“Hey!”

“Well you are!” Jon exclaimed.

Instantly, Sadie started screaming. “Great, thanks Jon,” Brendon said, sarcasm dripping from his voice as he started rocking her again. Jon gave him a small smile and leaned against the wall.

 After getting Sadie back to sleep, a nurse came in with a doctor and they stated that I seemed alright to leave. They instructed me on how to take care of my incisions and that I would need to have them checked by my surgeon in a week and a half, meaning Sadie and I would have to fly back. I nodded along with the instructions. I was even given a container of pain medicine to take with strict instructions not to drive. After they were done, we set about getting me ready to leave. Paperwork needed to be filled out, I needed to get dressed, and we needed to get Sadie as quietly into the van as possible so she could continue sleeping.

“You’re free, Ry!” Brendon said. We were walking down to the van. Everyone else was already settled in. We squeezed around Sadie’s car seat and Brendon sat on the other side of me in the front row. I fell asleep quickly, thanks to the pain meds. The drive seemed to go smoothly until Sadie started screaming.

I woke up in alarm and saw her flailing about. “Guys, pull over. I think she needs changed. And she might need something to eat.” Whoever was driving pulled off at the next exit and found the nearest gas station. Sadie was still screaming when I unbuckled her and maneuvered so I could change her on the floor instead of going into the gas station. Changing her quickly didn’t help with the screaming either, but Brendon handed me a bottle he had just made and I tried to feed her. She drank some and settled down to whimpering. “I’m going to try walking around with her. That might help.”

“We’ll be at a hotel soon, so maybe she just wants to play with something.” Brendon followed me with a toy key ring. We tried to cheer her up, but it didn’t help much. “We might just have to let her scream and then let her play in the saucer when we get to the hotel.”

I nodded, knowing nothing was really going to help her currently. “I’m glad we’re accumulating so many toys for her. Wait until fans find out about her.”

Brendon gave me a look that said ‘Ry, you don’t want that.’ We all got back in the van after using the bathroom and grabbing something to drink. The ride to downtown St. Louis wasn’t far, an hour at most. We made it with time to check into the hotel. Sadie’s screaming had started up again and continued until we got into our rooms. Brendon was sharing a room with me, Ginger had her own, and Spencer and Jon were sharing. The roadies were staying on the bus that we finally met up with.

“Put her in the saucer. I’ll order us food.” Brendon headed off to the phone and I placed Sadie in her saucer. She calmed down some more with the distraction of her toys and I sat on the bed. My stomach was on fire from having not taken medicine. The doctors told me the only thing I could lift was Sadie and even carrying her was pushing it.

I gobbled down the food Brendon ordered when it came and took more medicine. Feeding Sadie, bathing her, and getting her to bed was a lot easier than earlier. As soon as she was asleep, I collapsed on my bed and started falling asleep. In my half-asleep, half-awake state, I felt Brendon’s body curl into mine and I sighed happily. Falling asleep that night was easier than any other night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, driving probably wasn't their best idea, but hey, I was out doing things like that the day after my surgery. I slept for the full next day, but that's beside the point. Anyway, hope you like it!


	6. Europe Seems Great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hadn’t provided a timeline before. I’ll add one now. The first chapter took place in December; second chapter in the middle of February. The third, fourth, and fifth chapters take place at the end of February/beginning of March. They finish touring for the first leg (they did most of America) in April. May was their month off to spend with family/each other. They started touring again in June. This chapter will be pick up with their tour in Europe. Still with The Academy Is… and Fall Out Boy. Anyway, this would make Jon 24, Ryan 22, Brendon 22, Spencer 21, and Sadie would be 9 months old. That should all be right.

The months had flown by with touring and my recovery from surgery, but we were now in our apartment, drinking with the rest of the guys and some of the girls from the tour. Ginger had taken Sadie for the night, so we could all celebrate our last night before going on tour again. This time, in Europe. I looked over at Brendon to see him talking to a couple of the guys.

“Guys! Truth or dare, now,” Pete shouted, trying to get people to form a circle.

I laughed. “What are we, twelve?” Pete gave me a knowing smirk before looking at William and asking him which he’d prefer.

“Truth,” William said, “I’ve got nothing to hide.”

Pete thought for a second. “Who would you rather make a sex tape with: Gabe or Sisky?”

“Gabe, duh,” William said, laughing. “I mean, he’s tall and luxurious. Nobody tell him I said that. Ryan, truth or dare?”

“I’m going to regret this, but dare.” I quickly took a drink from my beer and steeled myself for what was about to come.

William and Pete looked at each other before Will said, “I dare you to make out with Brendon.  And if you say no, I’ll change it to you two had to have sex.”

Brendon’s head snapped to William as he said that. I looked over at Pete and frowned. “You asshole,” I said, before getting up and walking over to Brendon. I looked down at him; his wide brown eyes looking up at me as I leaned down and pressed my lips against his. I kept my lips there for a few more seconds before pulling away. “There, happy?”

Brendon looked about like he wanted to die from embarrassment and stared wide-eyed at Pete and William.

“No, dude. That was just a peck. I mean full on make out.” William wiggled his eyebrows at me.

I groaned before pulling Brendon’s face back to mine and pressing an open-mouthed kiss against his lips. I pressed my tongue against his bottom lip and pushed my tongue into his mouth when he gasped. My hand twisted in his hair and pulled him closer for a second before I pulled away and walked away with what little dignity I had left. “Patrick, truth or dare?”

Everyone gave me a shell-shocked look. I wasn’t the one to show affection to anyone or even kiss a girl in front of the guys. Hell, in the past year, I hadn’t been with anyone. Patrick recovered first and gave me a slight smile. “Definitely truth.”

“Have you made out with Pete?” I smirked at Pete and gave him a look that says, ‘Karma, bitch.’

“No. Pete’s always begging, but I always refuse,” Patrick says before continuing with the game.

I zone out most of the rest of the game as nobody else messes with me again. I get up and raid our liquor cabinet for some whiskey, hoping it would settle nerves I have from that kiss. I take a couple of shots, just enough to feel a good buzz. I swore off getting completely drunk ever since my dad slapped me across the face when he was drunk when I was like six. I learned to be out of his way when he’s had drinks and learned from my experiences my first year of college that being black out drunk is never fun.

Brendon, Spencer, and Jon, however, end up drinking a shit ton of alcohol. More that I drank. I only noticed this when Brendon sauntered over to me and whispered, “That kiss was hot,” in my ear.

“You’re drunk, Bren.”

He shook his head. “I’ve been in love with you since Sadie joined our little family.” Brendon quickly looked at everyone in the circle, who had switched to playing Kings, before pressing himself against me. I felt his hard erection against my leg as he moaned quietly in my ear. “I just want to fuck you.”

“Bren, no. You’re not going to remember this in the morning. Please go to bed or something,” I pleaded. “I’m going to bed.” I walked off toward my room, not looking back and wondering where Brendon was going. I fell asleep quickly that night and slept solidly as the party seemed to rage on.

***

Early the next morning, I woke up to someone’s mouth on my dick. I tried to think back to who I would have invited into my bed, but the thought flew out of the window and the pleasure hit me. I moaned loudly and reached down to pull on the hair of the person. I was close to my orgasm when there was a knock on my door, causing my eyes to fly open and saw that it was Brendon who had his mouth on my dick. My breath hitched as I tried to call out, “Yeah?” I hoped I sounded sleepy enough that the person would just walk away.

“Dude, we leave in like two hours. You need to be up and packing,” Spencer’s voice came through the door. “Don’t make me come in there and wake you up. I have to wake Brendon up next.”

Both mine and Brendon’s eyes went wide. He was still sucking me off, so my next words came out as a slightly moan. “Don’t worry about B. I’ll wake him up.”

“Are you jerking off in there?” Spencer started to jiggle the door knob to open it but found it locked. “Dude, seriously. You need to find a girlfriend.”

“Please just leave me alone,” I called, on the edge of coming in Brendon’s mouth. I turned my head and bit my pillow as I tried to contain the moan that left my mouth as I released myself into Brendon’s mouth. He swallowed and gently sucked me for a few seconds before pulling away.

He crawled back up to the top of my bed and smiled at me. Brendon’s lips fell on mine as I rolled us. I groaned at the taste of my cum in his mouth as our tongues clashed together. “We need to get ready to leave,” I muttered against his lips. “You have to sneak out of my room.”

“I still remember what I told you last night. I wasn’t that drunk,” Brendon said, getting off my bed. I, then, noticed that he was naked in my bed. A groan left my lips as I saw his erection get covered by a pair of my boxers. He grabbed a random pair of jeans on the ground and tried to squeeze into them. “Ryan, why the fuck are you so tiny?”

I laughed. “Don’t wear my clothes then. Hurry though, before Spencer comes back.”

He nodded and grabbed a shirt before slipping out of my room and into his own. I got up and stealthily walked to his door and knocked. A sleepy, “yeah?” came. “Bren, gotta get up. We leave in two hours.” He muttered a reply and opened the door. For the first time, I saw his sleep/sex ruffled hair and red lips.

“I’ll be out soon. I’m going to hit the shower and take care of some things,” he said, gesturing down to the very well defined tent in his jeans.

I nodded and walked out to get some breakfast. I had put on a pair of pajama pants, not really noticing the bite marks that covered my stomach, until Spencer looked at me with wide eyes.

“Who’d you have sex with last night?” he asked.

My eyes went wide as I looked down at my stomach and saw the bruises littering the top of my pajama pants. “Just one of the girls. I don’t even remember her name now,” I managed to get out.

“That explains the hair too. I mean, seriously? And the jerking off this morning. Did she leave you in the middle of the night?” Spencer looked at Jon, whose eyes were just as wide.

“Something like that,” I muttered. The time wore on until Brendon walked out, looking slightly happier and with a pep in his step. I muttered something about taking a shower and packing before leaving. I faintly heard the guys asking Brendon if he got laid too, then whining because neither of them could set themselves up with a girl.

I packed quickly and before we knew it, we were heading off to the airport. Ginger drove us, Sadie in the backseat, waiting to go with us. I smiled at my daughter when I saw her. The plane ride took nearly five hours, so when we landed and immediately had to head off to sound check, needless to say, I was exhausted. I ended up napping with Sadie before having to change into stage clothes.

“Good evening, London!” Brendon called out. “It’s so good to be here! I hope you all enjoy the show tonight!”

Spencer counted us in and I quickly glanced at the sheet to see we were playing _But It’s Better If You Do_ first. Everything went smoothly until we got to _Lying_. Brendon went off on his normal tangent about the perfect, passionate kiss. He sauntered over to me and smiled before placing a wet, sweaty kiss on my neck, biting down slightly. He shoved me away, like normal. The audience was already going crazy from his kiss on my neck, but they didn’t see him bite down.

“But that is not this dream,” he said, looking directly at me. “But I really hope it is.” He launched quickly into _Lying_.

I looked over at him and almost missed my cue to sing. I was so glad for my guitar in that moment. I shivered slightly on stage which caused Zach to give me a worried look. I shook my head slightly at him and continued with the song. Once we finished and Brendon introduced Fall Out Boy, who were going on next, I rushed off the stage and into the bathroom, where I knew I could take a shower.

My hand had just snaked down my pants when I heard a knock on the door. “Just a moment,” I called out.

“Ry, it’s me.” Brendon’s voice rang out. “Please let me come in.”

I leaned heavily against the door and sighed. “Go away, Bren.” I started to stroke myself, hoping he’d go away and let me be in peace. I heard him sigh before his footsteps signaled that he had walked away. I pulled my clothing off and turned the shower on. My hand still stroking as I hopped in. I worked a quick rhythm and was able to finish showering quickly after my orgasm.

I walked out of the bathroom to see the guys waiting for me. I took Sadie from Zack and held her against my chest. She was sleeping, but I knew we had a long drive ahead of us.

“Took you long enough, Ry,” Spencer called as he took over the bathroom to shower. The others showered quickly and we set off into the night to find out van. The rest of the bands would be meeting us in Ireland for our second show, before heading over to France for three shows. I claimed the seat next to Sadie’s car seat and Brendon sat down beside me.

“Ry, please listen to me,” he whispered. “I want to explain.”

I shook my head and promptly fell asleep. I didn’t know what he was going to say, nor did I want to hear it right now. After getting very little sleep last night and playing a show, I was beyond exhausted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm hoping to make the next chapter be Sadie's first birthday. I want to start hitting some milestones with her. And this one was long guys, so be happy. Plus I changed the rating because of this chapter. And yes, Ryan is eventually going to work out his feelings.


	7. Interruptions

The Ireland show went by quickly. I barely spoke to Brendon the whole time we were there, but I did rip Pete and William a new one. They claimed they knew because of how I was looking at Brendon. I huffed and thought back to the kiss and the morning after. Both were enjoyable and I knew I was in love with him too. The matter was just telling him. We had three nights in a hotel in Paris because we were doing three shows in Paris.

Just my luck for Zack to make sure Brendon and I are rooming together. We didn’t have time to stop at the hotel before our first show, but I knew I had to talk to him when we got to the hotel. Brendon didn’t come near my side at all, preferring to stay near Spencer and Jon during the first Paris show. I stumbled off the stage and grabbed Sadie from Zack. I opted to take a shower at the hotel, knowing that we’d be there soon.

Zack called for us to leave through the back so we could hop in the cab to take us to the hotel. The ride was silent the whole time and we only said good night when we parted ways at our doors.

“Look Brendon,” I said as soon as we were inside the room. I placed Sadie on the ground to let her crawl around. “I’m sorry for not talking to you. I had to process my feelings in the whole matter. And if Pete and William know, Spence and Jon know.”

Brendon was refusing to look at me. “I’m going to take a shower. I reek.”

“Brendon!” I grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward me. I wrapped my arms around his waist and smiled. “Bren, I love you too.”

His eyes traveled up to mine before I leaned in and kissed him gently. I twisted my head slightly to deepen the kiss. We broke apart when I felt Sadie grabbing on my pants leg. Looking down, I saw her reaching toward me. “Are you hungry? I can get some food while you shower?” I asked, picking Sadie up and walking over to our bags to grab some applesauce and formula.

“Please, can you?” Brendon smiled at me as he grabbed his things to shower.

I nodded and sat down on the bed, feeding Sadie her applesauce while I ordered food. Brendon took a while in the shower, so I was able to finish feeding Sadie, change her, and rock her to sleep. I was still rocking Sadie and singing to her softly when Brendon came out of the shower without a shirt on. “Food’s on the dresser,” I mumbled. I slowly stood up and put Sadie in the crib. “I’m going to shower while you eat.”

I showered quickly. When I went back into the room, Brendon was rocking Sadie again.

“She woke up, so I figured I’d rock her,” Brendon said. “I’m sorry if I’m overstepping boundaries here.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him. “Where’d you get that idea?”

“ZacK said something the other day,” he sighed. “Not that I should ever listen to Zach about certain things, but he was right about overstepping boundaries the other morning.”

“Bren, I told you not when you were drunk. It was a surprise, but goddamn, a good one. Why do you think I rushed off stage so quickly that night? Biting my neck was risky and made me so hard.” I looked directly at him. “Spencer and Jon don’t know by the way. Pete is more in tune to my emotions than I thought.”

Brendon got out of the rocking chair and placed Sadie in her crib. We both watched her for several minutes before deciding it was safe to move from her side. “Still, I’m sorry, Ryan.”

“No need. I didn’t want you to be drunk the first time.” I moved towards him and pulled up my shirt slightly. The bruises littering my stomach were turning yellow. “The guys asked me about these that morning. I had to lie.”

Brendon reached out to touch the bruises, but shifted his hands and pulled my shirt up over my head. After my shirt was off, his arms wound themselves around my neck and his hands played with the hair at the nape of my neck. “Can I kiss you?”

I rolled my eyes and surged forward. I gently bit his bottom lip as he started to open his mouth. His tongue fought for dominance over mine. I pulled back to breathe and started littering kisses over his jaw and neck. I gently bit his ear lobe and then traveled down, biting his neck and sucking.

“If you don’t want the others to know, don’t bruise me. Ohhhh,” Brendon said, ending with a moan as I bit harder at his skin. In the low light of the hotel room, I could tell his neck was starting to bruise.

“Let them think what they want,” I whispered in his ear before continuing my kisses downward. I bit gently at his nipple, causing a moan to escape his lips. I brought my hands up to grip his hips as I dropped to my knees and started biting across his lower stomach. His hands gripped my shoulders, nails digging into my skin. “Shh.” I pulled his pants and boxers down over his hips and immediately went back to kissing his hip bones. I left little bruises across his hips like he left on mine.

A knock on the door made us both freeze. I grabbed the nearest shirt that I found on the ground as I pushed Brendon toward the bed so he’d be out of sight. Cautiously, I opened the door to reveal Spencer and Jon. “Yeah?”

“Why are you wearing Brendon’s shirt?” Jon asked as I looked down. I shrugged. “Anyway, we came to see if you guys want to watch a movie. Neither of us can sleep.”

I looked back at Brendon, who was lazily stroking himself and shook my head. “Brendon’s already asleep and so is Sadie. I was heading to bed in a few minutes. I’m exhausted.” I faked a yawn to really sell it.

Spencer gave me a weird look. “You mean to tell me that Brendon, whom we all know is ADHD and is usually hyped up on Red Bull, is asleep at eleven o’clock?”

“That’s what I said, Spence. “

He shook his head and looked at Jon. “Whatever. We might as well go watch the movie in our room. The party poopers here aren’t worth it.” They both began to walk away before Spencer called, “Might want to take care of that boner before you go to sleep.”

I shut the door and slammed my head against it. “Why did you make me go answer the door?”

“You could have ignored it; they would have gone away eventually,” Brendon said, still stroking himself. “Come back.”

I pulled off Brendon’s shirt as I walked and slid my pants down, revealing that I was currently commando and most likely the reason why Spencer and Jon saw my erection. Once back at the bed, I laid down on Brendon and thrusted my hips gently, earning a quiet moan. I pressed a kiss to his lips and then pulled back, looking at Brendon. “Are you sure about this? I mean, it’s not going to screw with the dynamic of the band?”

“Dude, I’ve liked you forever now and I realized I was in love with you when I saw you with Sadie. You’re such a natural. You doubt yourself as a father, but you’re a damn good one, considering everything. Ryan, I love you.” Brendon smiled at me before pressing a kiss to my lips and pushing up with his hips.

It was my turn to moan but my mouth opened and didn’t release a sound. I pulled Brendon’s pants the rest of the way off and moved to grab a condom and lube from my bag. I threw them on the bed and Brendon looked up at me with wide eyes. When I was walking back to the bed, my cell phone decided to ring.

“Ignore it.”

I laid beside Brendon and grabbed the lube, spreading it on my fingers once I had the top open. I tentatively pushed one finger into his hole and pulled it back out. I got into a rhythm before he groaned and asked for another. I curled my fingers and the answering moan told me I had hit his prostrate. My phone rang again and we were too caught up in the moment to even care.

“Ry, please.” Brendon moaned.

I nodded and rolled the condom down my dick and moved us into a position where I could easily thrust in him. I pressed a kiss to his forehead before pushing myself in. We both moaned at the sensation. Brendon bit down on my neck, most likely bruising me. “Fuck,” I muttered.

A loud banging on the door made us both jump and Sadie started screaming as she was woken up. “Fuck,” both of us muttered as we scrambled to find clothes. I ended up pulling on Brendon’s shirt again and his jeans while he pulled on my pajama pants and grabbed Sadie, rocking her.

“I told you we were going to sleep,” I said as I opened the door. It revealed Zack, Spencer, Jon, and a small girl who looked about twenty.

“This is Charlotte,” Zack said. “She wanted to see Sadie. And don't give me bullshit; I tried to call you.”

I looked back at Brendon holding Sadie and saw all the bruises littering his body. And there was the fact that he was wearing my pants. “Now is really not a good time. Brendon was woken up by Sadie’s screaming.”

"Now is as good as any,” Charlotte says. “Clearly, you know nothing about your bandmates.”

“Listen here, you know nothing about us,” I said. “Don’t act like you do.”

Brendon came up behind me with Sadie in his arms. She was looking at us with wide, tired eyes and reached towards me. I took her from Brendon and she curled herself into my neck while sucking on her thumb. It was then that I realized Brendon hadn’t put a shirt on.

“Dude, what the hell happened to you?” Zack asked, seeing the hickies lining Brendon’s body.

Brendon huffed and went to grab a shirt, calling out, “I lost a fight with the rocking chair.”

“Like we believe that.” Spencer crossed his arms and stared at us.

I shrugged, not exactly caring what they believed. “It’s midnight and we have a show tomorrow. Sadie is going to be a mess if she doesn’t get back to sleep. Can we continue this tomorrow?”

Charlotte looked at Sadie. “You really seem to be fitting into the father role.”

“Unlike someone who left her on my doorstep,” I snapped. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, you interrupted something: my beauty sleep.”

“Yeah, I interrupted something, but it wasn’t your beauty sleep. Have fun fucking over your band,” Charlotte said as she bounced away. “And to think, I dated you for three months.”

My mouth dropped open. “Oh fuck. Now I remember. Fuck.” I turned away from the guys and went back in the hotel room to try and get Sadie back to sleep. The guys barged in the room and looked at the mess left from Brendon and me. “Get it the fuck over with then.”

“Ryan…” Brendon said, coming over to stand possessively at my side.

Spencer’s eyes snapped to mine. “Oh my god. You weren’t jacking off the other morning. Brendon was in there.”

Brendon gave him a crooked grin at the memory. “And you guys interrupted twice today. Just saying.”

“We’re just going to go. Ry, want us to take Sadie for the night?” Spencer asked.

I shook my head. Mood = killed. I started singing softly as I rocked Sadie. _“If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed, then we should feed our jewelry to the sea.”_ My pitch was different than Brendon’s would be with the song, but the new lyrics sounded good.

“Are those new lyrics?” Jon asked, speaking up for the first time. I nodded back at him and kept singing random bits of lyrics that I had written. Sadie fell asleep quickly and I laid her in her crib.

“If any of you wake her, I swear I will quit this band,” I growled. “Now I’m going to change into pajamas and go to sleep.”

The four of them hold their hands up at me in defense. Zack, Spencer, and Jon backed out of the room quietly, leaving Brendon alone with me. I grab a pair of boxers and change in the bathroom. Once changed and cleaned up, I flopped on the bed in anger. Brendon came over and curled around me. “I’m sorry, Ryan,” Brendon whispered before his breathing evened out. I stewed in anger for about half an hour before exhaustion took over and I fell asleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse my inability to spell Zack's name right. My ex-boyfriend spelled it differently, that's probably where I keep getting it from. Hope you enjoyed it! Charlotte will be back in the next chapter. To wreck even more havoc.


	8. And It's The End

I fiddled my thumbs as I stared at the interviewer, whose name I think was Angela. I hated interviews with a passion, even though we’ve been doing them for the past nine months. I looked over at Zack nervously. He had sent Charlotte to the park with Sadie so there’d be no questions as to why there is a toddler currently on tour with us.

“Good afternoon, all,” Angela said into the camera. “On MTV with us today, we have the boys from Panic At The Disco. Ryan Ross, Brendon Urie, Spencer Smith, and Jon Walker. Nice to meet you all.”  
"Likewise,” we echoed.

She looked down at the papers in her hand. “Now, there have been rumors you guys are going to start recording again soon?”

I looked helplessly at Brendon, who spoke up. “Ryan is currently in the process of writing some lyrics with our help this time. Pete seems to think we’ll be in the studio sometime next year. We’re not currently hopeful as we genuinely like touring. I know I would like to do a headliner show before we put another album out.”

“And these lyrics, are they as cynical as you are singing currently?”

"No,” I smiled. “Things have changed in my life, so the lyrics have changed. I would say these lyrics are more upbeat, more about love than anything else. The lyrics for A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out were about my angst filled teenage years.”

Angela smiled before asking her next question. “So moving on to a different rumors. I want to know what rumor you guys hear about yourselves that you find the most ridiculous.”

Brendon had been fidgeting in his seat, itching to touch the back of my chair most likely, in an effort to not make it obvious about what was going on between us. He and I, both, froze at the question and Spencer and Jon tried to contain their laughter.

"I know one,” Spencer started. “There have been more and more rumors about Brendon and Ryan fucking. We have this script on stage where Brendon chases Ryan while doing this Perfect, Passionate Kiss speech and Brendon kisses Ryan after the speech is done. Emphasis on the kiss, because they have never actually kissed on stage.”

Jon added onto that. “We’ve also heard rumors about one of us giving a sexual favor to Pete to make him sign us. Which is also not true, just for the record.”

“Brendon, Ryan, do you have anything to add?” Angela looked at us, trying to bait us. Both of us shook our heads quickly. “I figured you guys would have more rumors surrounding you considering you are a boy band. As I’ve recently become aware, Ryan and Spencer, you two have known each other since you were young. Are there any stories you could tell us about you two as children?”

Spencer immediately started snickering. “So, when Ryan and I were about ten or eleven, he was over my house a lot considering he lived down the street. One time, we decided we were going to make a homemade volcano with actual fire. We had created the volcano, which was made of a ton of wood and put vinegar and baking soda in it. To create the fire, we decided to pour gasoline on it and light it on fire. It ended up burning my yard and I blamed it on the neighborhood idiots. You can still see the marks on the yard today. I feel sorry for whoever moved into the house after my parents.”

“I’m sure Ginger is going to get mad at us now,” I said while laughing. Brendon was losing it next to me. “I’ve seen a picture of Spencer naked with nothing but his mother’s high heels on. He was probably two or three at the time.”

Angela was smiling while looking at us. She said something else that I didn’t catch, but I zoned out the rest of the interview, thinking about Charlotte with Sadie. My eyes drifted to Zack who was furiously texting on his phone. I pulled mine out of my pocket and sent off a quick text to Charlotte. Brendon nudged me, as Angela seemed to ask about that.

"Are we going to have to take your phone away, Ryan?” Angela said with a smile.

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’d hope not. I was texting a friend, checking in on her, nothing that concerns this band though.”

Angela’s smile dropped, but she recovered quickly and ended the interview. Once out of the room, I called Charlotte.

_“Hello? Ryan?”_ she said.

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Is Sadie okay? Are we meeting you somewhere or are you coming to the hotel? I want to see my little girl?”

She laughed. _“I’m in your hotel room. Sadie was worn out. You’ve turned into a sappy father now.”_

“Better to be a sappy father than a dead beat mother,” I snapped. Brendon came up to me with a look of worry on his face. “I’ve got to go. Bye.” I hung up before she could answer.

“You’ve got to relax, Ry. I’m sure she’s fine,” Brendon said as he touched my face gently. He leaned toward me, but I backed away and looked around. “Sorry, I forgot.”

 I smiled. “It’s fine. Let’s just get back to the hotel. Our last show in England is tonight. We get to go home for a couple of months. I can’t wait.”

Brendon’s face broke out into a smile too and he led me to where the car was waiting. The trip back to the hotel was quicker than I thought it would be. Upon arriving, I rushed to my room and kicked Charlotte out so I could spend time with Sadie before sound check. She had recently turned one while we were touring and I had turned 23. Spencer was turning 22 soon, so as soon as we get back, we’re holding a party celebrating all the birthdays. Brendon came to my room to collect me for sound check, which went as normal as could be.

About an hour later, we were on stage. Brendon had already greeted the crowd and we had started our first song. Halfway through, Spencer screwed up the tempo and threw Brendon off.

“Sorry, sorry,” I heard Spencer call from the drums.

Brendon laughed it off. “Spence, one of us was bound to fuck up eventually,” he said into the mic. “Better you than me.”

I smiled at him. We restarted the song and the rest of the concert continued like normal, until Brendon got to the part about the perfect, passionate kiss. I tuned out the speech for the most part, but when Brendon came over to my side, I started to freak out.

“And you meet in that perfect, passionate kiss,” Brendon said as he leaned into me. I nodded at him slightly to give him permission to kiss my cheek, but instead, he pushed his lips against mine. I could faintly hear the crowd screaming in the background as Brendon deepened the kiss slightly, swiping his tongue against my lips. I gasped quietly and he pushed his tongue in my mouth, swiping against it lightly before pulling away. “But that’s not this dream.”

I played the intro to _Lying_ and cued Brendon to sing. _“Is it still me that makes you sweat, am I who you think about in bed?”_ he sang as he looked directly at me. I tried to shrink back into the stage. He crossed the stage at one point and pressed a kiss to the back of my neck. I smiled and continued playing. During But It’s Better If You Do, my nervous energy propelled me to his side and my hands shook as I pressed into his back, singing over his shoulder.

To say this final show was quite sexual was an understatement. Brendon and I kept hovering over each other most of the show. I was thankful when it was finally over. As soon as Brendon and I hit the curtains, I was pushed against a wall, hidden from sight, as Brendon kissed me. “Bren,” I said through the kiss. “Why’d you do that tonight?”

“The interviewer had me thinking, why keep this a secret, so I acted,” he breathed out.

I shook my head. “You know why we need to keep this a secret. The band. It’s our lives, Bren. We only get one shot at this. I don’t want to lose it over you kissing me on stage in front of thousands of people because you want them to know we’re fucking.” I pushed him of me and walked away in silence. The last thing I saw before I ducked into our dressing room was Brendon’s face full of hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for this being so late guys. I had writer's block, but watching old interviews gave me the idea for this chapter. I hope you like it! I'm hoping to have the 9th chapter up soon. I think this is only going to have 15-20 chapters, but I will write a second one or even a one-shot where they introduce Sadie to the fans.


	9. I Love You

I smiled at Ginger as she took sleeping Sadie from my arms. “Are you sure you’re okay taking her for the night? I can totally stay home.” We had thrown a little party for Sadie so she could celebrate by eating cake for the first time, and now the guys wanted to head off to a bar to celebrate my and Spencer’s birthdays.

“Ryan, go have fun. You’ve taken care of Sadie the whole tour. I think you deserve a break every once and a while. Just don’t get in too much trouble,” Ginger said, taking the overnight bag I packed for Sadie. “She’ll still love you tomorrow.”

I watched sadly as Ginger walked down the steps and headed off toward her home. Spencer jumped on my back as soon as she was out of sight though. “Ready to go get drunk?” Spencer asked.

I rolled my eyes at him and nodded. The four of us headed off to meet most of the Fueled By Ramen group at a local bar. Brendon and I haven’t spoken since the last show in England, but I always catch him giving me these sad looks. Once inside the bar, we headed to get shots and I downed at least three before asking for a beer. I had gotten through four beers before my eyes traveled to the dance floor and I spotted Brendon dancing with a girl I didn’t recognize. Jealousy raged through me, but started to dissipate when I realized I was the one who turned Brendon down.

Determined to fix what I had screwed up, I chugged the rest of my fifth beer and sauntered over to Brendon. His eyes lifted to me when I touched his hips and he let go of the girl currently trying to wrap herself around him. “Hi,” I whispered in Brendon’s ear, pressing myself forward into him.

“Hey,” he breathed out as he laid his head on my shoulder and pressed further back. “Let’s go do some more shots.”

Brendon led me over to the bar and ordered more shots, tequila this time. I can’t count how many we did before I grabbed his face and pulled him closer to press my lips against his own. When we pulled away from each other, Brendon let out a small laugh. “Let’s get out of here.” I texted Jon to let him know we were heading home. I used the excuse that Brendon was trashed.

I intertwined my fingers with Brendon’s as we walked back to the apartment. “You know, I love you, right?”

“I love you too, dude,” Brendon said, rolling his eyes at me.

“No, I mean, I seriously love you. I am in love with you. You made this thing public and I guess it could be a good thing. I mean, fans didn’t seem upset after that kiss in England,” I was rambling now as we walked. “Maybe we would make this work. I mean, I’ve missed just talking to you these last couple of days. I feel like we’re avoiding each other like the plague.”

Brendon stopped walking, dragging closer to him. He pressed a gentle kiss to my lips and pulled back. “Ryan, stop. I love you. I always have. Please, let’s just get back.”

He practically ran all the way home, dragging me along as I laughed. Once inside our apartment, our clothes came off pretty quickly as we made our way to my room. Brendon pushed me down on my bed and eased himself on top of me. We both moaned loudly as he pressed himself down over me. Brendon’s lips attached to my neck as he sucked gently, causing a bruise to form.

“I’ve missed this, Ry,” he said breathlessly into my ear.

I moved my hands to Brendon’s ass and pulled him closer.

***

I woke up slowly the next morning feeling extremely overheated and slightly sick. My brain barely registered that there was someone in my bed with me before I rushed out of bed and toward the bathroom, vaguely aware that I was still naked. Once I finished vomiting, I rested my head against the tub, trying to think back to last night. Someone appeared at the door to the bathroom with a glass of water.

“Here, you drank a lot more than I did last night,” Brendon’s voice said. I looked up to see he was naked too and looked sleepy. “You woke me up when you rushed out of your bed.”

I gave him a confused look. “Why were you in my bed?”

Brendon’s face fell. “You don’t remember, do you? Goddammit. I knew this was a bad idea.”

“What was a bad idea?”

“Look, never mind. We’ll talk later after you’ve had a shower. You’re extremely sticky and gross. I am too,” Brendon said before turning away and going toward his room.

I looked down at my body to see dried come sticking to my stomach and chest. It was in that moment, that my body recognized the dull ache in my ass. “Oh god,” I whispered. I moved on autopilot to grab things to shower.

"Dude, hurry up!” I heard from outside the bathroom. “I’ve got to piss badly.”

“Just a sec,” I shouted. I shut off the shower, dried quickly, and wrapped my towel around my waist before opening the door to reveal Spencer waiting.

Spencer pushed past me and shoved me out. “Next time you and Bren want to have sex really loudly, make sure you tell us when you text us.”

“What the fuck?” I turned and pushed the door back open.

“Dude, privacy!” Spencer shouted.

I waved him off. “Not like I haven’t seen it before. What do you mean?” I crossed my arms across my chest and stared him down.

“You texted Jon last night saying you and Brendon were leaving. Brendon was trashed, according to you. We all know it was you who was trashed though. I knew it before you guys left. Well, Jon and I came back to clothes everywhere, the ones you and Brendon wore to the bar.” Spencer paused as he moved to wash his hands. “We both put two and two together, after we heard one of you moaning and saw that Brendon’s door was still wide open. Do you actually remember any of this?”

I shook my head. “I remember going to the bar, taking several shots, then drinking a couple beers. Whatever happened after that, I’m not really sure. I can tell from how bad my ass hurts, some ass-poke-age went on.”

Spencer laughed at me. Actually laughed. “Dude, I’m pretty sure that’s not even the half of it. You two were at it for hours.”

I involuntarily cringed. “I better go talk to him.” Completely forgetting I was still only dressed in a towel, I went toward Brendon’s room and opened the door without knocking. My words caught in my mouth when I noticed Brendon was lounging on his bed with headphones in completely naked. His door banged against the wall and he looked up quickly. “Fuck,” I breathed out.

“You can leave if all you’re going to do is stare,” he stated, matter of fact.

I strolled forward and leaned down to press a kiss against his lips. Brendon sighed and surged forward before pulling away abruptly. I gave him a look of confusion.

"Door, Ry. For one, I have no clothes on. For two, you only have a towel on. I’m sure Spencer and Jon were scared enough last night,” Brendon said, chuckling.

I laughed quietly and closed the door before losing the towel and curling up around him. “What happened last night?”

Brendon looked over at me before pushing me so I was on my back and he could comfortably rest his head on my chest. “I was drinking and you were drinking. I remember dancing with some girl, fuck if I know her name, but you came over, probably drunk as hell, and pulled me away from her. We went over to the bar and took more shots of tequila before deciding it was time to head out. You rambled a lot on the way home.”

"What did I tell you?”

“That you loved me.”

As soon as Brendon said that, my heart skipped a beat. I stayed silent as I processed what he told me. “Bren, I do love you.”

“I thought it was the alcohol talking,” he said, gently kissing my chest.

I shivered slightly as I shook my head vigorously. “No, no. I really do. Drunk actions are sober thoughts, remember?” I looked down at his head. “Would you do the honor of becoming my boyfriend? We can even let the fans know. I don’t care, as long as you are mine. I can’t hide this anymore.”

Brendon looked up at me and smiled. He didn’t answer but the way he moved closer to me told me my answer. He curled closer and pulled a sheet over us. I heard his quiet snores not long after and fell asleep listening to him breathe. It must have been hours later when someone knocked on the door, opening it slightly.

“Ry, mom’s back with Sadie,” Spencer’s quiet voice said.

I nodded at him and pulled on a pair of Brendon’s boxers and sweatpants when he left. “Bren, put on clothes. I’m bringing Sadie in and we can all go back to sleep.”

Brendon grumbled but moved to put on clothes and then crawled back in bed. I went out to see Ginger. “Thank you for keeping her last night.” I pulled a tired looking Sadie into my arms.

“She hasn’t slept much. Spencer said she’s gotten used to sleeping in the bed with you. I’ll let you put her to sleep. See you all soon.” Ginger left, leaving me to look at Spencer and Jon.

Spencer opened his mouth to say something but I glared at him. “I’m going back to sleep,” I said, walking back with Sadie to Brendon’s bedroom. He had moved closer to the wall on his queen bed. I placed Sadie in the middle of the bed and smiled at Brendon. “I love you, Bren.”

“I love you too, Ry,” he mumbled before falling back to sleep.

Sadie fell asleep quickly after I started singing quietly to her. I smiled at the sight of my little family before succumbing to sleep myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for being so late on this. I started school a couple of weeks ago and that became priority. Hopefully you liked this!!


	10. Its Out There Now

I woke up to Brendon opening his bedroom door quietly and sneaking out. Sadie was still asleep beside me, so I crept out of bed and went toward the kitchen. Spencer and Jon were sleeping at opposite ends of the couch with the TV still on. I didn’t spot Brendon anywhere and headed to start fixing coffee.

Brendon tiptoed into the room and smiled as soon as he saw me holding out a cup of coffee for him. “Aren’t they adorable?” he asked quietly.

“They are adorably annoying,” I whispered back. I looked over to see Spencer stretching and yawning.

“Did someone make coffee? I smell coffee,” Spencer mumbled sleepily. He rolled off the couch and padded over to grab my cup. He chugged it down before I had time to protest. “You drink disgusting black coffee. It needs more sugar and cream.”

“Make your own then,” I growled.  I sat, grumbling, until Brendon passed me his coffee and smiled. “Thanks, B. At least someone loves me.”

Brendon laughed and got up. “I’ll see you guys later. I need to get dressed and then get to work. The smoothie shop took me back as they are low on staff. I figured I could do that when we’re in between tours and writing.” He headed to his room before we could say anything in reply.

I grabbed my coffee and followed him to his room where he was trying to quietly get dressed. Sadie was still sleeping on his bed. I sat down gently beside her and watched Brendon get dressed. When he had grabbed his wallet and apartment keys, he walked over to me, pressed a kiss against my lips, and said, “I love you. I’ll text you when I’m on my way home. Don’t get in too much trouble.”

I scoffed at him. “I was thinking of taking Sadie to the park actually. She’s getting pretty good at walking on her own. Then Spence and I have an interview later. Lucky you to get out of it.”

“Pete just knows I hate lying around doing nothing. He’s the one who suggested that I go back to the smoothie shop. Anyway, I’ve really got to go or I’m going to be late. Zack is already going to kill me for working.” With that, he walked out of the room.

I stayed next to Sadie until she woke up. My thoughts were racing as she slowly woke up. “Ready to go eat breakfast, baby girl?”

She gave me this wide smile. “Dada. Up.”

“We’re going to the park today. How does that sound?” I asked as Sadie gave me this wide smile. Smiling at her, I picked her up and headed into the kitchen to begin breakfast. She babbled at me while I made her some eggs and grabbed cheerios. I caught the words “dada,” “pin,” and “bee.” I smiled at the nicknames she had given Spencer and Brendon.

Jon and Spencer had disappeared into their rooms by the time I walked out o my bedroom with Sadie, dressed and resting on my hip. I shot off a text to the group message before heading out to walk to the park with Sadie.

**Ry to the best group ever: Sadie and I are heading out. Spence, meet me at the studio around three.**

I got varying responses to my text before I came up a playground. Sadie squirmed in my arms. I smiled and placed her in a swing; her bright smile lit up as I started pushing her slowly. We spent hours going back and forth between the swings and slide before heading off to find some lunch. Once we had eaten food, Sadie and I headed to the studio for the interview.

Spencer was waiting outside for me and smiled as soon as I walked up. “She looks exhausted.”

“She went back and forth between the slides and swings for a while. I’m thinking she’ll fall asleep as soon as we start the interview,” I said as we walked down the hall to the room we were being interviewed in. “Hopefully they don’t pry too much on anything.”

Spencer rolled his eyes. Zack took Sadie from me upon us reaching the recording studio. I quickly told Zack that Sadie probably would fall asleep soon as it was getting close to naptime for her. We were seated quickly in front of the microphones with headphones on.

“We’re welcoming half of Panic! At The Disco today, so everyone, please welcome Spencer Smith and Ryan Ross,” the radio DJ said into the mike. “Now boys, we had some fans ask questions on Twitter today for you to answer.”

Spencer laughed. “Bring it.”

“The first one is for Spencer. What was your favorite superhero as a child?”

"I’d have to say Superman. My mom told me when I was little that I’d watch the movies over and over again,” Spencer said.

The DJ laughed quietly. “Everyone loves Superman. Ryan, you were always into music, right?” At my nod, he continued on, “When did you start writing lyrics?”

“I have some really shitty lyrics from when I was fourteen, but I really started writing lyrics when I was a junior in high school. Most of lyrics on Fever were written when I was in high school. We just perfected them since.”

“Ryan another question for you: some people keep commenting on your stage show with Brendon Urie, your lead singer. Do you have any comments on that?”

I looked at Spencer quickly. “Brendon, one night, came up with this scenario he would use before we introduced Lying and presented it to us. I’m pretty sure it was actually a dream he had. I thought it was pretty interesting. It’s evolved a lot since then.”

The DJ leaned forward a little. “Are we going to see more kissing like there was in the England show? I got a lot of questions about that.”

I laughed out loud. “I mean, it’s a stage show. It can be anything we want. Brendon and I just do that to release nervous energy most of the time. We feel if we embarrass ourselves on stage, then at least the crowd is laughing, right?” I started nervously tapping my foot.

“There had been many rumors about a relationship with Brendon. Is it true?”

I went to open my mouth, but I suddenly heard screeching from the other room where Zack was holding Sadie. I could hear her crying for me. Zack looked at me and I waved him in. Sadie calmed down as soon as she was in my arms and Spencer answered, “I don’t believe this interview is based on Ryan’s personal life.”

“No, Spencer, I’ll set some things straight.  I am in love with Brendon Urie. Yes, you heard that right. Brendon and I are in a relationship. I decline to talk about it any more than I already have. Now, I will talk about my adorable daughter though,” I said, rambling without really thinking about what I was saying.

Spencer nudged me and I looked up at the host who was staring at me blankly. “Sadie has been a joy to us. I think we've all really grown up in the nine months she's been with us.”

The host looked over at me. “How old is she? Where is her mother?”

"She just turned a year old. Her birthday is right before my and Spencer’s birthdays,” I said. “Her mother is not in the picture. I’ve been a single parent to Sadie since she was three months old.”

“She certainly is adorable and you can definitely see the resemblance. That’s all the time we have for today with Panic! At The Disco. It was great to meet you both,” the host said, shaking our hands.

***

Brendon was back from his shift when we got back to our apartment. He smiled at me and came over to kiss me. “We had the radio station on at the smoothie shop. I’m sure half the customers didn’t know who I was, but the staff had one hell of a good time teasing me when you were done.” Sadie reached toward Brendon and he took her in his arms.

Sadie started babbling something but then looked up at Brendon and said, “Dada?”

I froze while Brendon just stared at her. Spencer had come into the room just as she said it and his mouth dropped open. “Has she ever called Bren dad?” he asked, turning his gaze to me. I shook my head at him.

“That’s right, Sadie-girl, dada’s here,” Brendon said. He hugged her close and whispered, “Dada loves you.”

I pulled Brendon into my arms, effectively putting Sadie between us and kissed him. When I pulled away, I looked down at Sadie. “Both your dada’s love you so much, Sadie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like it! I really have no excuse as to why this is so late being put up; I've been working on it for like two weeks. Next chapter will focus on the aftermath of what Ryan said in his interview, but I had to add a sweet moment with Sadie at the end.


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